I had a diabolic idea. Instead of the alimony I instructed my attorney to offer her a share of the business and a resultant pro rata share of the profits. We prepared a chart showing how the profits had increased over the years and projecting them into the future. If things went as they had in the past I would probably be clearing about $60000 within the next two or three years. I smiled inside when I saw the gears turning in my wife's head. She could see herself living very well indeed on half of the profits of my business.If I made $60000 profit she would receive $30000 as her share. If she took straight alimony she would only get about $18000. To her and her attorney this was a no brainer. We split our little savings and I gave her the equity in the house to protect my small IRA. She received half of the business.SIX MONTHS LATERMy divorce is finally over. I have moved to a small one-bedroom apartment near my office. I only took a minimum of furniture from our home and Paula made. And it was attached to something that could even talk! Talking would be for later, of course, but it was very important. She had it on good authority that her sisters’ husbands never talked to them after making love. They just rolled over and went to sleep.Some things are the same in any culture, as it turns out.Everything was going quite nicely, as far as Dinah was concerned, and she was a very happy giantess indeed. She got even more excited quite soon.“It even spurts!” she sighed.Then she got less happy, because after it spurted, it did the same thing her sisters complained about.It got soft.“No, no, no!” she scowled angrily, looking at Jack for the first time since she’d started using him to try to soothe the ache in her loins. “You’re not finished yet!”Jack, somewhat dazed by all this, knew what it felt like to squirt, and he also knew what happened to his penis when it did so. That was, after all, why his mother sent him outside ... to make it soft and small again.“I believe I.
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